I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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