She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My bed smells like the plague
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
