Already got asked if we're dating
She announced her abortion via fbk
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
