I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
