i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
