dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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