So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
