she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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