and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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