420 ftw
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
