Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
