yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
