Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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