yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
