1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
