Barsexuality is the new black.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
