you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
