Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Your cock deserves a montage
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
