is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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