On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
