i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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