Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
