Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
