Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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