i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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