i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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