You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
