Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
