why didn't you poke me back
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
