what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
