I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
