I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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