I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
