Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
