I'm lost and stupid without you.
She is in my trunk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
