I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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