Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
