Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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