I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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