If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
