do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
