John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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