i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
