CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
