Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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