I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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