Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
