Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
