I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
