we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
