During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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