history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
