stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
