don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's always time for handjobs
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
