the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Shame - the story of my life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
