Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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