He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize