i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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