So drunk its hurt
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
