i already hear my dad disowning me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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